How to Work with Complicated People — a Conversation with Ryan Leak | Buffini Podcast
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Every single one of us is a “complicated” person, according to Ryan Leak, a motivational speaker and executive business coach. That’s because we all have our own unique experiences, blind spots, strengths, and weaknesses that shape us.
It’s an issue he’s studied extensively and is the subject of his bestselling book, How to Work with Complicated People: Strategies for Effective Collaboration with (Nearly) Anyone.
Recently, Leak was a guest on Brian Buffini’s “It’s a Good Life” podcast, where he shared additional insights into how to navigate complicated relationships starting with the one you spend every day with 24/7 — yourself.
When you stop and think about how every one of us is complicated, Leak noted, it makes it easier to extend grace when you realize you may not be the easiest person to work with either.
Leak’s background is a mix of ministry and business school, with his first job actually serving as a job recruiter for churches. It was during this time, he recalled, that he was inspired by one of his friends who was a teaching pastor. That led Leak to become one himself.
“I was a teaching pastor at five different mega churches around the United States of America, which allowed me to speak to about 50,000 people every single month,” he recalled.
Those sessions in turn led him to becoming an in-demand corporate speaker. Drawing on his faith, he said he felt compelled to speak out about the need for kindness and forgiveness, not only in one’s private life, but in the business world as well. “When I would talk about forgiveness, I would say ‘not to forgive your dad – forgive your boss.’ Because it was just way more relatable. That’s who they’re spending their time with most days,” he explained. “They’re not spending most of their time with their dad. They’re spending most of their time with a boss or a colleague, and sometimes they’ll take that bitterness to the next job.”
In that vein, Leak said he has learned through his presentations that “a lot of people’s challenges weren’t product problems. They weren’t process problems; they were people problems.”
People would act shocked that others would act a certain way, but in truth, they should not have been, he noted, because the signs were there all along.
“You know them by this point. You keep letting complicated people catch you off guard, but you should actually be expecting complicated. You should walk through the door going, ‘Okay, I know this person has attitude,’” he said.
Truly understanding that, he added, will let you “raise your bar,” prepare ahead of time and not surrender your emotional stability.
“I think expectations are everything. In fact, most conflict isn’t about what actually happened. It’s about the gap between what we expected and what we experienced,” Leak said. “If you expect someone to read your mind, you are guaranteed to be disappointed in life, in work, in marriage, in parenting, you name it. So, I just think having clear expectations, it creates clarity.”
“And I think clarity really creates healthy relationships,” he added. “Ambiguity is what makes things complicated.”
For more on Leak’s work, check out his new book, How to Work with Complicated People: Strategies for Effective Collaboration with (Nearly) Anyone. Click here to listen to the entire “It’s a Good Life” podcast with Brian Buffini.
