Rules for Resilience – a Conversation with Valorie Burton | Buffini Podcast
As the CEO of the Coaching and Positive Psychology (CaPP) Institute, Valorie Burton works with clients, blending coaching with the science of positive psychology. Her innovative coach training methodology has been translated into eight languages and used by Maxwell Leadership with nearly 60,000 team members in more than 150 countries. She is also the bestselling author of Rules of Resilience: 10 Ways Successful People Get Better, Wiser, and Stronger.
In a recent podcast episode of It’s a Good Life, host Brian Buffini spoke with Valorie about the strategies to use to become resilient in all parts of your life, no matter what comes your way.
A Resilience Mentality
Valorie noted that we most often think of resilience in terms of being able to bounce back from a setback.
“But in rules of resilience, I talk about it as a personal system you create that enables you to weather whatever storms come and also to be able to seize opportunities because we don’t just need resilience to deal with challenges and difficulties,” she noted. “We need it when the opportunity is in front of us, but we’ve got to believe in ourselves in a bigger way, or we’ve got to handle a higher level of stress or expectation. So resilience is necessary for success.”
We all have that inherently in us, she added, but it’s a skill that can be further developed that will help us get better results.
The Foundational Rule of Resilience
When faced with a challenge, Valorie recommends focusing on your vision, not the obstacle.
“When we see an obstacle, and obstacles are inevitable, even if we don’t know which ones are going to pop up, we start staring at the obstacle, focusing on the obstacle, ruminating the obstacle,” she said. “What we focus on feels bigger. It gets bigger. It expands. And then we can’t even see the vision anymore. So you’ve got to say, ‘Where am I ultimately trying to go?’”
Thought awareness is critical, she said.
“In the midst of your challenge, what are you saying to yourself? And this is also the fastest one to change,” she explained. “A lot of people think that they don’t have control of their thoughts. And here’s the thing, you don’t necessarily control the thoughts that show up, but you do choose which ones you dwell on, which ones you embrace.”
Think of your thoughts in terms of a door opening and closing, she added. You can close a door and you can lock it You can also think of it as looking through a peephole and asking, “Is this good for me?”
“When you become aware of what you’re saying to yourself, you can actually decide whether you keep repeating the thought or you say, ‘What might be a more helpful thought?’”
The foundational rule of resilience, she added, is to “expect the unexpected.”
“We know the most successful people, the most resilient people, have an internal locus of control. Meaning when something happens, they don’t over-focus on the things beyond their control,” she said.
“So control the controllable, as you figure out which pieces actually have an impact on your outcome,” she added. “And accept the rest doesn’t mean you approve of it. It means it is what it is and you accept that that’s where it is right now.”
Listen to the full episode here.
Business Coaching Works!
Are you interested in learning more strategies on how to grow your business? Contact us for a free Business Consultation. In this 30-minute call, we’ll help you: Get clear on your vision, uncover what’s holding you back, see what’s working for others just like you and discover your next step. If it feels like the right fit, you’ll have the opportunity to partner with a full-time, Buffini & Company Certified Coach who will help you grow and scale in alignment with your strengths — so your business not only succeeds but truly serves your life.
