The Wrong Crowd Is Costing You
By Brian Buffini
Chairman and Founder, Buffini & Company
My mother used to say, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” I hated that phrase when I was a kid, but the older I get, the more I realize that she was right.
The ancient scriptures actually noted this as well: bad company corrupts good character. In other words, you might be a person of good character, but if you’re hanging out with bad characters, you’re going to get corrupted over time.
When you spend enough time around certain people, you start to talk like them and think like them. You normalize what they normalize and aim for what they aim for. Not because you’re weak, but because you’re human.
If your circle complains, cuts corners, or settles, you slowly shrink without noticing it. If your circle grows, learns, takes responsibility, and dreams bigger, you expand without forcing it.
Intentionally Seek Out Your Tribe
Post-COVID, we’ve become an isolated culture. We’re comfortable being by ourselves. Every word of criticism feels harsher. Every slight feels bigger. And so we’ve retreated from people. But when we lean into great associations, they help us become more than who we are.
In this business, we have self-employed people. We have to take the “self” out of self-employed. You can’t just do this alone.
Consider joining a local group, like a chamber of commerce, BNI or LeTip.
For our Members, we have over 350 small groups throughout the U.S. and Canada that meet monthly to brainstorm and encourage each other.
We formed these groups for ambitious people who wanted to change their lives but found they were in a minority position in their companies and offices. They wanted to seek out people who were on the growth journey themselves. They not only help each other with business matters but also with the inevitable bumps in the road we all encounter at one time or another.
Set Your Boundaries
Dr. Henry Cloud, who we’ve featured at our events, wrote a groundbreaking book, Boundaries. In it he notes that the people you meet in life fall into different categories. You have the ones who are family, of course, and then others who you want to cultivate relationships with. There are also those who you need to become indifferent to.
I will not extend myself, and I will not repeatedly expose myself to people who repeatedly go out of their way to offend me or get under my skin, or I find myself carrying their weight with me. I also won’t stay angry with someone because that anger is like eating poison. So I just won’t do that at all.
I treasure the relationships that are closest to me. I’ve learned to build tolerance for myself and others with those relationships, and I will go to the nth degree for those. Of course, there will be cuts and bruises and bumps and lumps along the way because we’re all human.
The fact of the matter is we need to limit the negative people in our life. We need to intentionally seek out the positive, connect with small groups, connect with like-minded people and connect with “birds of a feather.” And if we do that, we really will have a blueprint to limit the negative people in our lives and increase the positive.
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Each week on his new show, The Brian Buffini Show, Brian discusses the big questions and the real-world solutions. Each episode blends perspective with action, offering principles and tools that help you gain clarity, build confidence, and take meaningful steps toward living your best life. Watch the latest episode here.
